Happy 6th month!
No more.
-plays Air Supply's Goodbye

We were so happy, so excited about tday. We planned what we wanted to do in the day, in the afternoon, all the way until evening. We countdown day by day, hours & minutes. I got your gift prepared, got it wrapped with loving, made it with so much love. I put it aside, look at it whenever I see it. I'd smile &tell myself you're so amazing. Heartbreaking days came, I didn't got the hint. I guessed as much we're both over. You're over me now, being so lovey with your girl while I'm hurting so bad here, trying to get over you. I don't know how you do it, I wanna know. My heart weren't given a chance to speak. Now all that is left unsaid, they will always be. I don't mean anything to you now, but you.. still mean as much as you did on the first day our hearts linked. I wished I still had the chance to bring you back, still have the chance to go all out for you. I still wanna hear you say things that I wanna hear, things that only you & I would understand. I still wanna be the one who sit next to you in our car. I still wanna be the only lady in your home. I still wanna be the mother of your child. I still wanna be yours.

'Cos baby, if you were to come home now, I'd forgive you.
We'll start it all over again, I'll love you all over again.
We'll start this love over like we never knew each other at all.

I know it's impossible. One more Sunday to go & I gotta stop crying my eyes out. I can't afford to let my eyes swell all the time, & it's hurting damn bad. I cry every morning, every night. In showers, before going to school, when I'm alone, when I'm reminded of you, when my heart sinks. Now I vaguely remembered what happened since the first day we got together. Every quarrels, every arguement, every date, every loving made. To you, they're just memories that you won't want to be reminded of. To me, they're memories that I hold dear to & I know this won't happen to me & someone else. I can't bring myself to. I'm sorry, but forgive me. Forgive me for loving you so much. Forgive me for the unrequitted love I gave you that never stop flowing in my heart.

Remember the first song you dedicate to me was Ronan Keating's When You Say Nothing At All. That was because we haven't met at all. The next was Aaron Carter's I'm All About You. That was when we were so fucking in love. Next was Cao Ge's Superwoman. That was when you came back to me, telling me the song explains what you wanted to say. A certain verse of the song. Then it was Lin Jun Jie's Zhi Dui Ni Suo. That song was totally about us.

Remember that day we were in the train & we sang the song Zhi Dui Ni Suo tgr, we looked deep into each other's eyes. Feeling the lovin' from the inside, conveying a certain message that only the two of us could feel, no one else. At that moment, I felt like I'm the only person on Earth, with you. Like God had made everyone leave to give up the whole world for the two of us, more time, lesser distances.

"In my heart, we'll never be apart."

We got to know each other.
We talked over MSN.
We laughed.
We exchanged numbers.
We texted.
We chatted over the phone.
We talked about the past, got to know each other better.
We confessed.
We fell.
We loved.
We waited.
We got together.
We loved so much.
We finally met up.
We looked deep into each other's eyes & said 'I love you'.
We quarrelled over ex lovers.
We quarrelled over time.
We quarrelled over distance.
We cried hard.
We made up, said "I'm sorry baby, I love you so" & end this all with a kiss.
We promised that we wouldn't overlook & love wholeheartedly.
We mend things back.
We broke up.
We left each other alone for 10 days.
We came back as one.
We were happy.
We talked about being together forever.
We talked about our Always & Forever.
We argued about who's gonna work in the future & who's gonna be the housewife.
We talked about our kids, how adorable we'd want them to be.
We agreed that we'd stay in Aussie.
We agreed that now we'd study hard for our future.
We said X always be G's & G will always be X's.
We promised that Forever was ours to call.
We promised that leaving each other would be the last thing we'd do.
We talked about living together, in our home with our kids.
We talked about how people would envy this couple & go, "Wah so sweet leh you two."
We talked about how we'd always love each other, Always & Forever.
We talked about how we'd look like when we're old.
We talked about furnitures at home.
We talked about how long we have to work to get a home of our own.
We had some misunderstanding & kinda drifted apart.

Then I don't know how it ended. We broke up 'cos this love isn't strong enough, anymore, to brave through all the thunder & storms that I fear so much.

Do you remember? Or you can't? Or you don't want to? Maybe you won't, will never remember them.

Though a six-month relationship mean nothing to you, that it can't be compared to a two-year long one, I still want you to know this love meant my life, my world, my heart & my soul. How much I've missed you, how often I've been thinking of you. Everything that I do, I'd be reminded of you. And definitely the pain this break up had inflicted.

Now whatever that you have once said to me, you're saying it to someone else. I'm dying to know so much but you won't speak to me. My words are what you refuse. Now, if you do think of me, let me know. I didn't know I was such a lousy lover. But now I do. Believe me when I promised my love& my heart to you. Foreverness what was we believed in & did not exist.

You had the best of me. I did everything to make you happy. I went all out for you. I gave myself away time & time again to see you smile. I tried my best to make you happy. I did all I could to make you smile. I tried my best never to disappoint you, make you sad. Everything I do, I spare a thought for you. I wanted to say "When I'm gone, who would do all these for you?" Ah, I need not bother 'cos she will. 'Cos in your heart, she replaced me. Maybe you feel that this 6 months weren't the best but I'm telling you now, I did all I could. I gave you all my heart could offer.

Now I feel like singing Nelly's Dilemma to you but I'm not in the position to anymore. You're missing her, while I'm here missing you. Although I still hope your nicks, everything about you was about me, or for me.

There's always something more I wished I said. You found me when no one else was looking. How did you know just where I would be? I was hiding till you came along & show me where I belong. And I belong right there in your arms. But now.. :(

I wish we could still hit the restart button. How do I deal without you? There's something else that I wanna give you but.. Sigh.


I need to stop crying & catch my breath. I'm finding it so hard to breathe now. Yesterday's class was fun. Really sexy jazz funk dance with the song Bad Girl by Black Buddafly ft Fab :) I'm gonna take up that 6 hours dance class. There's MTV Dance later @ 530. I'll go study after this then meet the rest. They're all @ Sentosa now I think. [:

Eyecandy dance so cute!!!! [: Eyecandy!!!! :D

Thanks to all who commented. [:

Jasmine; Hello girll. School's bad. I'm overworking myself.
Grace; I thought you were the Grace from UAN. Haha but no, you're not. Anything silly. Hm, maybe not yet. I believe that things will never work out again so yeh. Don't worry, my frequent reader. I'll be fine soon, I hope.
Jovenelim; Thanks best friend. [: I love you & You know that. Huggies!
Shuhui; Last night's talk was great. I hope you're feeling better yeh? We both ought to feel better. =)
Nicole; you're damn cute la. =) I like that chat thingy in your blog! Haha so small! Haha I add you in MSN already but you're not online. I do go to Kovan la. Haha never see you there before! Haha. Chat to you online the next time allright. :)
Jace; Aiyo you make me wanna paste the comment in here. Haha I love you darling. Smile a lot more now & I would love to see. Next month's 1st, it's our 2nd year. Haha. Go listen to Oasis's Wonderwall :) I say maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me & afterall, you're my wonderwall =)

You walked away from my loving embrace, so untrue & unfeeling.
And it hurt so bad.

Someone tell me what to do. -sings till I get over you. I feel like telling mummy now.
Fucken long entry leh. Haha.





My heart's breaking.
<3.